Friendships were never my strong point growing up. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of friends, but I was always a 'one best friend' kind of girl, just how I guess I was also a 'relationship' girl. (My husband calls this the All or Nothing Syndrome). I was popular in high school...sometimes I wonder why, since although I loved being around people, I have always been a brutally honest person, which could come across as being pretty snarky. Maybe that's why I never had very many close friends. I had a 'best friend' in high school, but at the time, she was a bad influence on me, and I ended up doing things that weren't really me, and alienating the friends that were more like me. Maybe it is that I spread myself too thin, not finding that one core friend group that I could really connect with, and sticking with them. And when that one close friendship ended, I was left with just a handful of lukewarm friends who had become each other's best friends.
It's only recently that I've learned how important friends are in your life. My husband has a huge handful of close friends that he has stayed in touch with over the years. I've always been a little jealous of that closeness, but I also understand that his friends filled in a void that was left by his family. Other than his grandparents, his family was not as supportive as, for instance, mine was. So maybe the reason he had so many close friends was because of this. I, however, have always been super close with my family. They are the best and closest people in my life.
Ever since Mike and I moved to Arkansas and had to start over, I've started to realize that I made a huge mistake in high school and college. Why didn't I put forth any effort to be the best friend I could be? I found a quote I liked: "The only way to have a friend is to be one." I think that was my problem in high school, college, and up until recently. The problem wasn't that I wasn't likeable or able to keep a friend, the problem was that I wasn't being a good friend to others. I was selfish, and figured that if I was happy in the friendship, then so were they. Cut to a year ago, when I could honestly say that I didn't have one good friend. I had LOTS of casual friends, but none that ever called just to talk to ME, and you know why? Because I never called just to talk to THEM.
"The most I can do for my friend, is simply be his friend." -Henry David Thoreau
"We love him because He first loved us." I John 4:9-10
Now, I have a friend that I adore, and I feel so blessed to have her in my life. But the biggest blessing is just being her friend first, because that is what makes me so happy. Not just to have a friend, but to be a friend. Friend, you know who you are...and I love you!
Tara
PS. More later on the last week...I've been swamped, but I will catch you all up! Ta for now!
5 comments:
Tara! I've been wondering where you've been!
Great post! This is a lesson I learn all the time! Friendships are definitely so important and something you do have to work at...just like a marriage :)
I love you to death and am feel so blessed to have you in you in my life. Can't wait for you guys to move back this way so I can see your face more often!
Hope you guys have a great week!
I was so blessed to have met my best friend in 5th grade. We stayed best friends through the years and still are very close.
She and I shared the same morals and values and that helped SO much through the tough years of adolescence. I think my life would have been so much more difficult had she not been in my life.
Girls and friendships are usually hard. Seems like there's always drama going on. I think all girls go through tough times with friends.
Guys are so different.
I know as I've gotten older I've become so much more secure and the friendships I have are so precious.
I'd say....don't be too hard on yourself about past relationships. In each phase of our life we are learning and growing into the person God desires for us to be.
I'm so proud of you and am so thankful you have such an amazing husband and little boy.
And yes, you do have a close, supportive family who loves you very much.
I do too!
Tara, I agree with Val. Don't be so hard on yourself.
You are growing and seeing things differntly than when you were young. Thank God we don't stay in our "youth" for ever. Wouldn't that be awful for so many of us?
I asked God for good Christian friends years ago. But then, I thought 'oh if they really knew me they wouldn't want to be friends with me' blah, blah, blah. Instead of accepting God's blessings of friendships, I almost allowed satan to destroy that very blessing. Remember it's he (satan) who is the author of confusion....not God!
God knows who and when we need certain people in our lives. Ask Him! You'll be blessed with whom He sends. And don't beat yourself up with what you might or might not have done in the past.
The good news is: HE LOVES US! He'll answer your prayers.
HE IS....not HE was. HE doesn't look back.
And be looking for those new friendships. Ask HIM!
And who has He blessed you with as a 'best friend?' Your husband, Mike! THAT is a huge blessing! And not a bad beginning to a list of 'best friends.'
I can relate to this post.
Sorry Ladies, I wasn't trying to sound so depressed, because I'm definitely not! I'm a happy girl, because I have discovered how to be a better friend to all of you!
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